Someone said, "as a black woman, you cannot expect anyone to stand up for you, especially not in the corporate world"
SOJOURNER A POETRY MEMOIR offers another perspective. No one will defend you becomes true only when you omit yourself.
When you were a child, who did you dream of becoming in your wildest dreams?
For me, it was 'a man.' I was a little kid telling my single mother not to worry because I would soon become a man, and somehow I believed that would solve all our problems. Don't ask how I got the idea; I was a kid learning my surroundings the best way possible. We were born, some people are called boys, other girls, our bodies change over time and the only difference I saw was the activities we did and how we were treated. Therefore if I did more masculine things, I would become a man and better defend my family and self. I could not be convinced otherwise. I learned the hard way that would not be happening.
I learned not to expect anyone to defend me as a child first in Lagos, Nigeria. It was how girls and women were treated, scolded, even those in violent circumstances. Gendered, racial, and sexual violence cultures guide the norm globally.
Then it was the consequences of standing out from the norm even as a pre-teen. Which in itself (standing out from the norm) is a luxury many women and LGBTQIA+ cannot afford. Leading debates, competitions, leadership positions brought consequences for the girls who excelled. From misogynistic remarks that we only needed the education to score a rich man’s kitchen to being viewed as sexually mature, ergo sexual assaults and threats from teachers and the principal. Consequences piled up when we spoke up, and my mom sat me down to detail the reality of speaking up, especially for women.
It was migrating to the United States from Nigeria and expecting to reach a solution, and meeting the source of more problems with even more consequences for speaking up. However, I found resolution in accessing the knowledge to understand it.
More importantly, I gave up on anyone defending me when I omitted myself. It can be exhausting, experiencing the consequences of trauma, the consequences of speaking up and not, only to have the trauma invalidated by people who will never walk a mile in your shoes. Eventually, I realized I could not afford not to defend myself. For one, the simple fact that, I refuse to continue the cycle of silence where systemic trauma is concerned. For the sake of lives affected into much worse circumstances and those who silenced their traumas to death.
Sojourner A Poetry Memoir is a vulnerable road map to establishing one's voice no matter how deeply entwined in gendered, racial, and sexual violence cultures. It is a guide to knowing your voice no matter how lost in silence. Whether or not you choose to speak up, this book highlights the importance of establishing where your voice begins and ends. The importance of learning who you are and tracing it to your voice. I hope you find much solidarity and courage in the unfiltered advocacy, vulgarity, emotions, frustrations, and creativity.
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