"Choose you, all will fall in line."
What does it mean to choose you? To dare to be you? To be you, unfiltered? Unfuckwithable?
Choosing oneself is an Art. I used the term ‘art’ here because there is no better word to articulate the beautiful chaos that comes with opting for self against any obstacle. Choosing self is a complex journey because every system is structured to make sure you conform. Each with a different standard of who you are and who you should be. Each enforcing its standard as ideal with consequential repercussions if you dare to not conform.
What comes to mind when you ponder on the idea of choosing yourself? To set your boundaries and stick with them against all odds?
I spent the past years sitting with this question. The goal was to unpack where I begin, and end amid one too many performances actively defining who I was. It was quite the process, especially because of what I can only describe as heightened fear of uncertainty. The consequential challenges were external factors and relationships with close ones dependent on said performances. I felt ready to evolve as an individual but many factors in my life did not. As a result, when it finally came down to choosing myself and advocating for my boundaries, I chose otherwise, allowing other factors to do the same. I convinced myself my choice was wise because I was choosing factors that would invest in me or choose me when roles were reversed. Alas. The consequence of my choice was learning that choosing self is inevitable. Every time I chose against myself, it backfired. Like a boomerang bouncing off factors, I prioritized at my expense. Avoiding the inevitable can prolong and harden lessons unnecessarily. I hoped the factors I prioritized would do the same and prioritize me when need be. Instead, I learned the hard way that nothing is prioritizing you if you are not prioritizing yourself. Nothing is choosing you if you are not choosing yourself. A simple lesson that need not be complex or complicated any more than it already is.
It would be remiss of me to not reiterate here that you cannot evolve or truly choose yourself without making peace with the uncertainty of the consequences first. Learn to make peace with others choosing to evolve in their truth, especially where it does not favor you.
I fantasize about a time where choosing self is not a revolutionary act and the need for community is as equally the norm as individuality. Alas, there are consequences for acts against the norm no matter how revolutionary. Damn the consequences, do the work at your pace and choose yourself every single time. Forgive the times you could not.
A spiritualist once told me there was darkness around because I am the light at its core. This was in the analysis of a dream where I picked up a whip and used it on myself. Every time I avoided the art of choosing myself, I signed up for a dance with darkness where it led and I followed. I wandered into pieces of me I did not know were missing much less that they existed. Except I could not shine my light on them because I took a backseat from learning to choose myself, my light. I had enough when my back was up against the wall and there was no one but myself to save me. I began to learn to choose my light without fear. Eventually prioritizing my boundaries in the face of the most benevolent manipulation. I chose to learn the beautiful chaos that comes with learning the art of choosing self, the art of being unfuckwithable.
How often do you find yourself shape-shifting to fit performances that neither honor who you are nor your boundaries?
What would it mean to be consistent about learning to choose yourself at your pace?
I want you to know that nothing in this world can make or break you but yourself. Surviving the world is a close second because life and circumstances will bring challenges. I pray for you to find strength within yourself. When you cannot, I pray for you to find strength and help in the right places and with the right people. When you cannot, I pray any misstep brings you exactly where you need to be and on time.
This is the tricky part. Unlike me, you do not need to learn it the hard way. Trials will come, but no matter what, do not bend over your freedom, independence, truth, growth, mental or boundaries to be fucked anyhow by anything or anyone.
Set boundaries and stick with them
Be unfuckwithable at your pace and as many times as you need to learn how.
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